I'm not so new here, I signed up about a week ago but was to afraid to write something. But, alas here I am! I am 20 years old and live in Canada. I've had panic disorder, social anxiety and agoraphobia for as long as I can remember. However, I'm starting to find out what triggers me and how I can challenge myself. I feel i've made a great stride as I just graduated form a program called IMAP (integrated mood and anxiety). I really got the opportunity to understand my illness and meet some very helpful and wonderful people. I have had the first positive thought in my entire life, for example, "I am going to get better". Seems paltry but I think its a great step in the right directon. I'm also seeing a CBT specialist and he also does work with Exposure Therapy. I really hope things work out for me. I want to have a career, go out with friends and well....HAVE A LIFE!
Anyways I think i'm moving in the right direction...I mean after all, I did just introduce myself...right....?
My friends always rag on me for not playing shows with them and not going to see them in clubs and bars etc....HOWEVER!
I went with a little pub with my dad and brother a little while ago, and it was terrible...at first...then it was OK. I did notice that my anxiety decreased but never really went away. I did enjoy myself as much as I could though, it started as panic and all I wanted to do was ru away, but I knew I was safe, even though my mind was telling me otherwise. Eventually the panic melted into a general/social anxiety which was managable but still uncomfortable. This is a pretty big step for me, I mean sticking it out is something that doesn't happen very often. Also the next couple of weeks after that. I went to ANOTHER little Bar/Pub with my distant relatives boyfriend. This was EXTREMELY panic provoking becuase I wasn't with someone I felt safe with. HOWEVER....I HAD FUN....eventually, I guess thats the whole point right? To stick it out as much as you can, (I didn't start by going to some dance club ) and try as hardas you can to deal with the panic, because what I did learn, as much as I hate to admit it, is that eventually, even if you don't run, panic decreases to a certain degree. Also if I hadn't had gone to the pub before with my dad and brother, I think I wouldn't have stayed or even of gone in the other situation. I guess, no I KNOW exposure works now, and small steps are definatly key in getting used to everyday situations, and sometimes you might just have fun!
Thanks for listening, I just feel proud, I never would have even thought about going near a bar 3 months ago.
I'm a smoker on and off for about 4 year. I definatly think it effects my anxiety. However, having a smoke after something tough or hard to do makes me thinkim relaxed. Possibly due to the 'feel good' response nicotene has on the brain. Although I do know for a fact that smoking increases blood pressure, heart-rate and muscle tention. Just a thought, like wen I think about quiting. Although right now I almost feel I need smoking to make me 'feel good'. When I do start to notice some major shifts in my axiety and panic I am seriously considering quitting...again.
Thanks for listening.
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