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Hello everyone. I'm hoping that someone will understand what I'm going through and be able to shed some light on this for me. I guess I'll start with some panic experiences I've had. I apologize ahead of time if I ramble on. The first panic attack that I can remember happened in 2nd grade at a sleep over party. My mom had to come and get me. I remember crying for her and feeling so sick to my stomach. I did go to other sleep over parties, but it wasn't something I looked forward to. The second one was more intense. I was in 6th grade and it was my turn to be the outcast. I say it was my turn because there were only 8 girls in my class. The pressure of none of my friends talking to me, eating lunch with me, and just plain ignoring me was too much for me. I got so sick every morning before school... throwing up/diarrhea and I just begged my mom to keep me home. My mom took me to the dr and they ran some tests on me. From what I remember they did an upper and lower gi test. I do remember being told that I had a nervous stomach and to avoid caffeine and chocolate. I was put on some meds, but I don't recall what it was. And I was told that I would outgrow this. The next panic attack that I remember was when I was going away to college. My mom and dad drove me and I remember balling into a pillow in the back seat. I was so scared of leaving. We were at a restaurant and the waitress told us about a another girl who was scared and just wanted to go home. Hearing that story made me sick to my stomach. When my parents were leaving I could barely say goodbye to my mom. And the truth is that my college days were some of my happiest days. I met my husband there and made some best friends. The next panic attack was my worst one. My mom died in Feb 92 and I married in May 93. My husband was transfered to CA. I had to stay back home for 6 months to get vested for my pension at work. He flew home every weekend since I always had to work. I got one weekend off and flew out to visit him. We had a wonderful time and then it hit. We were leaving for the airport and I got so sick to my stomach. My husband said that we had to hurry so I wouldn't miss my flight and then the thoughts, "I can't leave" kept raising through my mind. I came out of the

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it's me again. It's 4:30am and I'm in the midst of an attack. I'm absolutely terrifed about going to jury duty. I can't handle the thought of having to sit in a room and wait and wait. I won't be able to leave when I want to, that's too much for me. I'm sick to my stomach, can't sleep. I don't know any of you and here is a side of me that I hide from most people. No one understands this about me. What if I'm in the room and I have an attack. What do I do? Please, someone help me. How do I break these thoughts, this horrible panic? Why does it have such control over me? I want to avoid this, I want to so bad. Jury duty isn't until April 15, but I'm dreading it. I feel so pathetic, reading what I just typed. But it's how I feel and I don't know what to do. I want to call my dr on Monday morning and finally tell them about this. But I'm scared too, does that make any sense? Why can I go through a period of time when I have no attacks, for years. Does someone have any advice for me?? I'm really sorry to sound so helpless, I'm just typing what I feel.