Hi everyone....Rosenm, Smiffy, Kitten, Rich, Big John, Health educators et all ...Happy Easter!! Hope you are all enjoying the long week-end. I'm thinking of you and am grateful for your ongoing support and wisdom. It ocurred to me this week that you all express yourselves so well with your feelings. So many times, I say to myself "that's exactly how I feel!". More often tnan not, I tend to be in my head so yesterday, I played out my thoughts more on my way to get the groceries. I kept thinking of how two glasses of rye with a couple of ice cubes would taste so good...I could picture the glass shinning away. I wanted to pick up some rye & maybe just experiment if I can control the drinking or if I should not chance it. I could feel the smoothe taste already!! I thought though that the taste and high I feel would be so transient and temporary. It's like the bottle has an open end to it as no one high or relief session could last to give me what I am after...What am I after?? A something special feeling. Well the rye feeling doesn't last. I would feel badly that I have consumed empty calories, challenged my health and poor little liver, kind of let myself down not to mention my husband and daughter and ALL my new friends on this site, and I want to hang on to something more tangible and lasting. I am grapling with the idea if I can ever drink again or have a few drinks now and again.. But more so is the idea that why do I want to drink. What does it give me that I can't give to myself. I thought of wine but the taste didn't appeal to me...So the special feeling. I thought of a luxurious bar of soap for my shower..It's tangible!! The idea that the rye is so darn temporary and what does it do for me....in the long run...I got to the mall and wondered around to the pet store and then bought myself a pretty scarf and pair of slacks on sale..Both tangible and not temporary and not jeopardizing my health!! Wandered around some more and came home and there went another evening..Oops I did buy some non-alcoholic wine at the grocery store..Perhaps not a great idea but it serves the purpose for now. I did enjoy the flavour and listened to music a short while before heading off to bed a lot earlier that I used to. I feel in control more and have given myself the gift of another day without the poison!! I would feel so much more alone without this site. It's another tangible special feeling for me!! Sorry for the long post..Just wanting to make a connection..Keep on having faith that you can do this all of you..Keep on posting..How are you doing Kitten??? XXX 
ahh. Tia.
Hi Kitten....I just want to welcome you to this site. Please do not feel guilty about the challenge of getting through the day. Just keep trying again..and again until it becomes a little easier. Thank you for being honest as this helps us too to feel and be aware of our thinking patterns. I think it may be a good idea to let your partner know what you are going through as the support can be so helpful. We all have those times when we tricked ourselves and others into thinking we are doing better than we truly are...How many hiding places did I have for all the wine bottles!! Behind the dishwasher, in the furnace room and I hid the glass among the cans of vegetables just in case I needed a sip some time!! Eventually, my husband and visiting daughter discovered some of my tactics and helped me understand how much I relied on wine...I already knew but didn't really want to give it up. I just got tired of the next morning feeling and wasting so much time because I didn't feel up to getting motivated.. I haven't really faced a big social test yet as we don't go out socially at all. I'm sure that time will come!! It helped when I tried to nourish myself in as many ways as I could.. I made a good pot of soup, bought some magazines and chocolate, kept looking at the posts here on line and tried to go to bed earlier so that I wouln't be tempted. I cleared everything with alcohol out...We are all here for you Kitten...Thank you for sharing your real thoughts.. 
