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What are my anxious thoughts?


Shari
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7 years ago 0 Shari 1071 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Thanks Adam!

Your kind words made my day! 

Shari
JustAdam
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7 years ago 0 JustAdam 20 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Hi Shari,

I know this post was not directed at me but that is some great advice! Lifted my hope and mood today!

Adam
Shari
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7 years ago 0 Shari 1071 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Hi Rohit131,

In one word, repetition.  Consistency is key.  Using the coping skills and relaxation techniques and applying them to your daily routine keeps it managed.  It's something to do every day until it becomes a new habit.  And, even then, it needs to be practiced or you will fall into the old habits and find it a problem again.  I was doing really well and then stopped applying the principles and I coasted on it for 2 and 1/2 years.  Then I had a major life transition of moving to Florida and BAM! high anxiety tried to be my best friend again and he brought along his partner in crime, insomnia.  It was terrible.  I am grateful I did not have panic attacks, but it did make me realize this is something that I need to manage.  I can't just think I'm magically done with the process.  Sometimes things in life come up and we're creatures of habit and tend to default back into our own easy habits.  It's just human nature, nothing to feel bad about or feel wrong about.  It is what it is.  So, you kind of have to brush up on the skills learned here and not just put them on a shelf and think all is well.  It's kind of like taking vitamins, you take them every day to stay healthy.  With the coping skills and relaxation techniques, they are like vitamins.  There isn't one fix it forever pill.  It's like exercising the mind.  When you exercise in life, you can't just workout for one day and then say, "Well, I exercised once, so now I don't have to ever exercise again."  I hope this makes sense.  It takes practice, for however long it takes, and sometimes we need a refresher course to stay on track.  Until these skills we learn, become like a habit and we automatically default to it, we just need to practice maintenance on it, in order for it not to come back and feel like we're starting from square one.  It's frustrating, but it's like a blood pressure pill, you have to take it to keep healthy and you have to practice CBT to keep healthy.  I hope this didn't come off harsh.  I'm not condemning anyone.  It's happened to me and lots of people, I'm sure.  It's just like practicing the flute.  I used to be at a master level, and then over time, I stopped practicing and when I picked it up, years later, I was back to square one and played like an amateur.  I couldn't even play hot cross buns, which is the first song you learn.  That's the best explanation and analogy I have.  I wish you the best and we're all in this boat together and we just need to practice, so we can row our boats effectively.

Shari
rohit131
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7 years ago 0 rohit131 101 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
I used to frequently visit the site & try getting learned from it.There developes some sense of hope as I go thru session & thought sharing.But it does not remain consistently.As I returned to my routine life,all anxiety appears to come again and it appears u are back to initial stage.
How can the improvements remain consistently;for a long time;for better life ?
Davit
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7 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
PS

This thought memory we use is mostly referred to as logic and sometimes instinct but is in fact a bank of memories we draw on to make decisions. Confused people are sometimes said to have no logic. Not so, sometimes panic can make it hard to access this memory for the necessary answers. In PTSD some memories are stored where they are not accessible causing panic. In a panic attack they are just temporarily misplaced. To test this try writing what is happening during a panic attack. If it is bad you can't because there is nothing there. That is the reason for the panic attack and why journaling is important. Writing gives the fight or flight a reason to shut down. It can't do this if it has nothing to base a decision on. This is the reason for the sometimes blank feeling and look just before it happens. In me it was so bad I would get tunnel vision and have to sit down. In others they got hot or cold or couldn't make themselves take a step. Accepting it is happening is the quickest way to make it go away.

Davit.
Davit
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7 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Rohit

This giving up happens to me too and I have to fight it. But it is easier for me since I understand why it happens and I do believe it to be a/or part of a core belief. We do make decisions at the speed of light and a lot of them we don't even realize we did. Most triggers are obvious especially if they are attached to a phobia.
A phobia is just a fear attached to a situation in the past. But some triggers come upon us at the speed of light and except that they are discarded they still effect us. These are the ones that cause agitation for no apparent reason. Since there is no apparent reason it is wrote off as GAD. (Generalized anxiety disorder) This is where I deviate from the common teaching. I believe there is a reason behind GAD. I believe it to be the discarded triggers that happen fast and although discarded still get into memory and effect us by being used to dictate other actions we want to do. Also by trying to block them rather than accept them I feel they become more effective at the same time they become more invisible. This is different from PTSD where the memory is there but not accessible. 
Of course this hinges on a person believing in the thought triangle which says everything we do is dictated by past and present memory. It just happens too fast to notice unless a person gets stuck on a fear and it goes round and round the triangle looking for an answer to stop it. Once this happens it can happen again and usually does when a similar situation happens. A person has to break into this cycle between thought and action and change the thought so the action changes and the appropriate thought on this new action gets into memory for future use rather than the one that that sets off the trigger. 
Eg: Thinking that you can do it and even if it doesn't work or work as you planned it is okay.
Giving up is usually attached to a core belief that tells you to for some reason that you or someone or some situation has placed there. Such as Shari's belief and mine that we are not good enough. A very common core belief and a lovely excuse to not do something. This core belief can be from you or someone else or some situation as I said but it is also attached to a competitive personality where failure is not acceptable.
So although you may or may not be responsible for the core belief you are responsible for how you use it. 
Exposure with attempts at changing my thoughts are how I treat this but it did not work at first because I did not have a place to escape too so it got worse. But with relaxation and coping skills and a way to drop out of the exposure it did. Also there needs to be a reward even if only mental for each success so the memory of the success is stored where it can be used for future use. In essence building a new more appropriate core belief on top of the old one, burying the old one and making it unaccessible. This way when a situation calls for thought and action faster than you can decide the appropriate thought and action will happen with little or no input from you. It will happen fast enough that you can not go looking for a reason to do something else, in our cases, giving up. 
I can do this so you should be able too also. And even though the old pattern breaks through sometimes I have the skills to intervene and not let it get the upper hand. It starts by believing. Believing in yourself and that you can do it. 
As for the course, remember that CBT is all about changing thought patterns so you can call on them at the speed of light and only repetition and belief can do this. It will happen. The fewer thoughts you have to go through to make a decision the quicker the decision. 

Davit
Shari
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7 years ago 0 Shari 1071 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Hi Rohit131,

I'm not trying to interfere with your and Davit's conversation.  I just wanted to say that I identify with indecision.  My parent's were over protective and made all of my decisions for me and as an adult, it's been difficult, but not impossible to overcome it. One of my core beliefs was, I'm not good enough.  For me, it had to do with low self esteem.  I've also struggled with perfectionism and didn't want to make mistakes.  What I've learned is that the decisions I make are rarely life or death, I put too much importance on them.  Also, when choosing A or B, either could work out.  Some times it's not one path or another path, but both paths could equally work.  I list  the pro's and con's and which ever has more in it's column, is how I make a decision.  It's okay to make a mistake and a wrong choice, that's how we learn.  Self pressure makes it harder.  I know you will be able to overcome it and be successful.  It takes time and patience.  Oh, and once a decision is made, I stick with it. It's exhausting to second guess myself.  Challenging negative thoughts with questions and running down the "what if's" in our Tool Box helps.  Last, but not least, believing is the key to overcoming a lot of things.  It's having a Growth Mindset, where you believe that you can learn and grow and change and you can!  

Shari
rohit131
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7 years ago 0 rohit131 101 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Davit,
I have a tendency of giving up under challanging situations.My head begins to get blank &  anxiety appears on my face clearly whenever there is tough situation.This habit exist im me from my childhood.I take a good step by challanging them in writing & taking a note of them as per guidelines of the course.
But this is a temporary solution.In this fast pace of life our reactions should be instant & as the speed of light as you mentioned;which I lacks.Our decision & action should be firm & of 100% self belief.But it does not exist within me.I remain confused in my decision & always seeks some outside support.
Is this particular is a core belief of mine?I think it is a core belief..
What should I do to change/manage this core belief ?
This seems to be tough & difficult for me as whenever I begins to challange this characteristic, I seems to get anxious 
& panic.

rohit131
Davit
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7 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
rohit131

This may take some time to explain just like it will take time for you to use it. Because doctors have little time and GPs have little information. "take a pill" is their usual approach. For many it works.

We are born with very little knowledge which is why the first 11 months are critical. This is based on a thing called attachment theory. The information you store in your memory gives you your personality and how you look at life. This is also the beginning of core beliefs. What are core beliefs? Core beliefs are blocks of information in your memory that you call upon to make every decision you make. Every decision! Almost all of which you do subconsciously at the speed of light. The next 6 years of your life you build on what you learned in the first 11 months. This period you build more core beliefs and reinforce the ones you already have. And here is the bad part. If they are wrong for some reason you will still reinforce them because they are telling you they are right because of some misconception or reinforcement from outside sources. 
An example is like this. If a child is told they are stupid by someone unimportant they can ignore it. But if some one they are attached too during this learning curve such as a parent tells them the same or agrees with the unimportant person then this forming core belief gets reinforced and even if it is wrong, it becomes right in your mind. 
Okay now you know what core beliefs are and how they work. Do you have someone you trust to tell you the truth even if it hurts? How you change core beliefs to the better is by challenging them and correcting the ones that are not true. But, and I think by what you said in your post you can accept the ones that are right even if they are unpleasant. Recognizing them and accepting them gives you a real, not perceived base to work on. You will slip back into the old routine periodically because core beliefs are strong and it is easier to accept them than fight them. They are harder to challenge when you are tired and panic does cause fatigue.
This is why I asked if your girl friend would carry you and why I ask now if she will help you challenge the core beliefs. Oh and you never stop building on core beliefs and adding new ones. The new ones are what you want to use to control your life, not any that are false. Don't presume, that they are all false. Some must be or you would not have reverted back to where you are.
This change in life you are going through is the trigger that opened the flood gates and allowed your memory to scare the crap out of you and bring back the panic.
There is no short cut. You will have to use every coping skill you have and any you can learn here to keep you in a state where you can successfully challenge what is happening to you and straighten it out.
I'll not say, you did it before, you can do it again because this time the trigger may be different, but the CBT process is the same no matter what is causing the problem.
This is doable. I'm living proof of it.
Any questions? 
Here to help anyway I can. All this information is my perception based on that supplied by my Ex Therapist and corrected by her. It is only information to be checked and/or used any way you think you can. 

Davit. 


rohit131
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7 years ago 0 rohit131 101 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Davit,
I found in many of your posts saying about core beliefs.
What are core beliefs & how can we utilize them to improve ourselves in terms of anxiety & panic attacks?

rohit


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